By Dan Ohler Holy cow - life can be hectic. We make lighting-fast decisions about how we will use our precious time some with great thought and some without much consideration for the consequences. Many of us have received requests/demands like these. “Could you stick around and help finish this project? It wont take long.”"You cant leave now. Were almost done.”"This is really important to us and youre the best person for the task. Will you please take this on?”Or have you had incongruent conversations in your own mind like these? “I need to get this done. Ill just skip lunch.”"He/She wont mind if Im a bit late. Theyll understand that my work is important.”"Its an important hockey game on TV. Im sure our guests wont mind if I slip away for a few hours.”"Sometimes I forget about family things, but I never forget important meetings.”Now lets step away from these scenarios and look at what is occurring at a more basic level so we can evaluate the duality of our choices. In grade school, I remember learning about electricity lights were on or off. Later on, in math class, it was a binomial system 0 or 1. It seems so simple, and this duality is the basis of modern technology. We live our lives by a similar system. We use a bi-choice system yes or no. But we complicate this because we are human beings. We have a secondary system called emotions. Emotions are what give life passion, purpose, and vitality, or the opposites, which are apathy, despondency, and lethargy. Any time we choose yes we are also choosing no to something else. And the emotional message resulting from this simple choice may have a fantastic, or devastating long-term result. What may seem purposeful to me may deliver a message of apathy or rejection to someone with whom I have a relationship. Heres how it works. I remember many times saying yes to a little more work, rather than: cuddling and communicating with my wife, Carol playing a game with my sons, Jamie and Brad going for a run or ski through the forest taking the day to visit family or friendsThese choices meant I was saying no to my wife, my children, myself, and other important relationships. The emotional message I was giving myself was that my work was more important than my relationships with my wife, children, friends, relatives, and with myself. And the emotional message I was giving others was that they werent important to me. Yes I had time for work but no time for them. It was easy for me to choose this habit, because there was always more work to do. When I look back on it, I also began justifying this in my mind as being OK. If I work really hard for a few more hours (or days, weeks, years), then Ill have lots of time for those people. Boy, Im going to be happy and successful then! But it didnt take long until the relationships became very emotionally and physically drained and challenged. My personality style was such that if something wasnt going well, I would remove myself from it and expect that it would sort itself out on its own. This stick-my-head-in-the-sand approach (picture that head down and you-know-what up) meant that sooner or later, the part of my body that was in the air was going to get a swift kick. And it hurt physically and emotionally. Ive learned to be consciously aware that when I choose yes to one thing, I am always choosing no to something else. And if you evaluate your life, exactly the same applies to you. My challenge for you this time, if you choose to accept, is very basic, yet the effects may be immense. Consciously evaluate every choice you make. When you choose yes, what are you saying no to?With the annual festive season upon us, we have many opportunities to practice this. Consider the following: If I say yes to getting caught up in the materialistic buying frenzy, am I saying no to feelings of financial peace and contentment in the New Year? If I say yes to a few extra hours of work, am I saying no to a fun social gathering with co-workers and friends? If I say yes to an extra helping or two of dessert, am I saying no to my promise to myself to eat sensibly? If I say yes to another drink (or two or six), am I saying no to feeling energized and rested in the morning? My point is not to tell you what choice to make. The challenge is to make these choices consciously, aware that each yes is also a no. And ultimately, your choice affects your relationships with self and others at an emotional level. I encourage you to slow down, take time for yourself, family, and friends. Savor the magic of the season. Reflect on, and celebrate, a year of learning, growth, and success. Yes, celebrate!! Eat, drink, and be merry, aware that you own every result and feeling you get. From my family to yours, I wish you a season and a new year filled with abundance, love, peace, and fun. That sounds like success to me. Ho, Ho, Ho and away we go! See you next year. Copyright 2006 Dan Ohler is Thinkin Outside The Barn! Dan writes and speaks internationally on relationships, happiness, and change. He helps you learn the secrets to create life-long flourishing relationships and abounding success. For FREE how-you-can-do-it-too articles, visit Thinkin’ Outside The Barn To order your copy of “Thinkin’ Outside The Barn And Steppin’ Into Fresh B.S.” visit Thinkin’ Outside The Barn Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dan_Ohler http://EzineArticles.com/?Did-You-Know-That-When-We-Say-Yes,-We-Are-Also-Saying-No?&id=393420
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